Darkness, it’s the first thing I see. Shadows, that are always dancing over me, drown me with their pain and suffering. You can look at me and say "Emo," that kid who sits alone and seems sad and depressed. That's because I am. Why should I be happy when mother never smiles. Why should I stay strong when father never comes home. Why should I laugh when the one who made me, is gone. Those shadows who dance are my demons. The ones who make my life a living hell, the ones that keep me up all night, the ones who want me dead. But death is too easy. it’s too easy to wrap that rope around your neck and jump. Some say to take a knife and put it to your wrist, it takes away the pain. No, it only makes it stronger and makes you weaker. I am no fool.
I lay here and listen. Listen to my demons whispering to me. telling me lies I already know, they tell me to kill myself, but I won’t. My mother says go to therapy, I laugh when I hear that. I'm not going to sit and hear the same question over and over, "How does that make you feel?"And if I had friends I'm sure they would tell me I'll be alright, that this will end soon. Nothing ever ends. Traces of the thing you got rid of will still be there, giving you a permanent reminder of how miserable you felt. The only friends I have are the voices in my head, the demons under my bed, The shadows on the wall and the darkness that surrounds me. The demons are getting louder, more agitated and angry. They are shouting at me, screaming in my ear, I try to drown them out ,but they just seem to swim.
I cover my ears and shake my head violently, they won't stop, they won't shut up. I scream out. I yell at them to stop, but they only laugh. The voices in my head start to chatter.
"Just end it....it's the only way," they whisper. The voices repeat themselves over and over. They want me to cave in, give up hope..... they want me to DIE. I feel myself slipping to them, I have to fight them. I won't let them win.
"Shut up shut up shut up," I yell. The darkness is getting closer, surrounding me, suffocating me. I can't breath, I can't think, I can't win, I can’t get rid of my demons. I start to slip into insanity, I can't help it I caved in. I let out one final scream and black out, the demons stop. a few seconds went by. My mother knocked softly at the door. The voices start back up.
"Get rid of her," they tell me, "she was never there for you get rid of her and this will end"
I look at the door, my mind is thinking clearly but my body seemed to have a mind of its own. I looked down at my hand, beside it lay a butcher knife. I don't remember getting that. Did I leave my room? was it already here? I suddenly found myself picking it up. Inside I was screaming no, but my body just kept going and going until I stopped at the door. I opened it.
"Do it...Do it....Do it"
I plunge forward and knock her to the floor she screamed out but I covered her mouth. I knew what I was doing, but I can't seem to stop myself. I jab the knife into her stomach, she lets out a blood curling scream, I stab her again this time in the side of her neck. She stopped moving. I stand there and watch her bleed, I start to giggle as I stare at her. I suddenly found myself laughing hysterically.
"Ive gone mad," I laughed, that's when I heard it, the tiny voice in the back of my head.
"This is just the beginning"
Copyright  My Demons Won't Leave 2016 Debbie Champagne - All Rights Reserved